The Beginning

I have just finished a diploma in Fashion and Clothing and I guess I am wondering what to do next. Fashion still seems like a frivolous occupation - one which I am struggling to express my depth with. On the other hand there is something rebellious inside which makes me think that I do not want to conform, that I not value fitting in so much, but see it as a necessity, which will help me feel connected and real as I explore my own world and ideas. Conformity is like a safe haven I can come back to when my rebellion feels futile and where I can rest for a while. Conformity is boring because there is no space for drama in it. It's a place of rest and a place which I value, but only  as a counterbalance to destroying it all. So is the point of fashion- rebellion, its reactive quality- one which provokes a response upon visual contact? In such case where can it find its place within the real world- the everyday 9-5 which presses down on us? Does fashion exist as the other side of the spectrum- the non- conformist glimpse of our duality, the other end of the spectrum and a reflection of what we are sometimes capable of? It's a strange and perhaps a limited world which nevertheless can provide a glimpse into human nature. I am beginning a journey with a dubious end- one which will try to fit fashion into my life one way or another. Until now it has been something which symbolised my creativity, my otherness and provided a haven for happiness even when things were pretty rough. It doesn't always work, sometimes clothes make almost no difference at all, but it is on days when I can dress well that I know my joie de vivre is back and I know I am fully functional. So maybe it's just me who hasn't left her victimhood fully yet and who is not able to see fashion for what it is- an icing on the cake without which life would be so much less exciting.